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Vision Quest
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She walked alone along a narrow track somewhere deep in the Flinders Ranges in South Australia. It was dawn and cold, and she is rugged up in wooly jacket and hat, breath forming little clouds before her as she walks. On her back she carries her backpak with tarp and sleeping bag attached. She feels afraid and excited; afraid because she is about to spend three days and nights alone in the bush, excited because this is her vision quest.
On the days preceding this early morning journey to her chosen place the most dominant emotion had been fear. There was even a time, on the first day, when she would have jumped in her car and driven home (about 3000kms) if she had come in her own car.
Her vision quest actually began months earlier when she first saw it advertized in the magazine. She knew that this was something she really wanted to do. Instantly there were two of her. One was positive that she would go - no nonsense, we are going. This self was confident and calm, trusting that she would be there without doubt. The other was a mess. And sadly, it was this one that was louder. From constant financial fear to guilt about leaving the family to fend for themselves (which they were quite capable of doing), she did eventually find herself thousands of miles from home and hundreds of miles from absolutely anywhere, with a group of strangers.
Over the next few days these strangers became her tribe, her family. They spent time sharing and talking, and with the help of the teachers they each became aware of their own personal issues for this quest. They spent time in circle using ritual and ceremony to discover themselves, their fears and their goals.
Her own fear began to ease as she felt safe in the base camp. But whenever she walked in the bush away from camp the fear began to grow. She was afraid of anything that could bite her, from snakes to ants - not to mention donkeys. ( Well, they do have rather large teeth). As she zipped herself into her sleeping bag every night, she always thought about home and family. What on earth was she doing here? Hundreds of miles from any civilization, paying for the privelige of sleeping on the ground. She is forty-one years old, grandmother of five: She must be crazy!
However, her new tribe and the circle teachings helped her to face her fears. The Flinders Ranges is a most magnificent place, beautiful and powerful; with that typically Australian combination of red earth, gumtree green, and endless blue sky. She walked around the area, over hills, into valleys, along dry creek beds, singing praises to the goddess for this magnificent land and for guiding her here.
She finally found the place where she would spend her 'alone' time. It was on the the side of a hill, quite high, and she could see a long way across the tops of the trees below. There were a lot of huge trees around the place, with a rocky ledge and, she discovered, lots of ants and lizards. But it was a most incredible wattle bush covered in golden flowers that she took as a sign that this was to be her special place of vision. Her home was in a gold mining town where her friend and herself had a healing centre called The Golden Healing Centre so she knew that the golden energy was with her.
So she walked alone to her place on this cold morning and she felt afraid. But she understand the fear and why she felt it. She realiz that she was not afraid of the fear and it became excitement. She walked on through the dry creek bed filled with the most beautiful coloured stones, through her 'gateway' trees, past the row of pines and into another dimension.
She felt a new feeling within her. The ceremonies within the circle the night before had been powerful and beautiful, filling her with love and support. The individual send off ceremony early this morning had been special. And as she walks deeper into the bush she feels ecstatic. She walks in spirit! She walks in spirit and nothing can hurt her.
They were to spend three days and nights alone before returning to the base camp. For her those three days and nights brought intense emotional and spiritual experiences. Three days of singing, talking, tears and insights. Days she spent sitting on the rocky outcrop overlooking the valley. She had her drum and would sing endless songs to the godddess and her beauty in nature that surrounded her. She discussed with the goddess, also being a woman, what she felt about the boring endless routine of cooking and cleaning; two chores that she detested, and learned that she has a choice about how she feels, and how she can feel better about it.
She sat for hours watching ants on their daily journeys. She tried to crave her name into a prayer stick she had made and cut her finger. Later she watched as the ants carried off her dried drops of blood. She talked to ants, lizards and spiders and tried hard to not step on anyone or get in their way, and was rewarded by not being bitten or harrassed by any of them. She talked, aloud of course, to the goddess, to her spiritual guides and teachers, reaching ever deeper into her own awareness. She talked to her Self.
One time she had been sitting with her eyes closed having an intensely emotional conversation with her inner child, and when she opened her eyes filled with tears, there were three goats standing in front of her, almost close enough to touch. There was a big one, a middle sized one and a little one. She did, of course, immediately recognise them as The Three Billy Goats Gruff. After that she had frequent encounters with goats and kangaroos coming quite close to check on this strange human. Thank goddess the donkeys stayed away.
At night she would zip herself into her sleeping bag, wrap herself up in the tarp and sing songs of protection as she went to sleep; hoping that anything that crawled over her would keep right on going and not choose to stay and cuddle. The night sky was clear and the stars incredibly bright; gateways to another universe. Her dreams became very intense and seemed to be filled with lessons.
During the third day she collected rocks and built a medicine circle beneath the golden wattle bush. The theory was that the golden light of the wattle would continue to shine over her during this night, as this was the night of Vision. She had already received and experienced so much during the previous three days, she wondered what more would this night hold for her.
At dusk she took her backpak and sleeping bag into the circle. Then, with proper ceremony sealed the circle, crawled into the sleeping bag and leaning against the backpak, watched the sun go down. She was very excited. She would not be sleeping tonight and as the darkness became complete, she sang. She sang and talked for hours. Then the moon appeared. About four days past full, she was still bright and incredibly beautiful. Then she sang and howled at the moon in her glorious golden light.
Three days of intense emotional and spiritual experiences. So much awareness, so many answers and so many new questions. And on this night, sitting in her golden medicine circle, came the most powerful, incredible vision.
She saw her vision. A most powerful experience and an exciting journey through time while flying through the forests and the wild places of this planet. Her logical brain was trying to tell her that it wasn't real but in this most spiritual space she knew what she saw and she had absolutely no doubt that it was real. Then late into the night she heard a voice coming from just outside the circle. A woman's voice calling her name. She looked around for whoever it was that was wandering around in the bush in the darkness, thinking it was one of the other questers. There was no-one there. The voice again called her name. It seemed to be coming from the top of the pine tree near her. The voice called her name and spoke to her. Powerful words that showed her who she is. Words that have continued to guide her on her life journey.
As the night came to an end she was still singing. Her heart was full, her soul at peace, her spirit soaring high with the incredible colours of the sunrise. At last she knew who she was!
She walked back to base camp, carrying all the gear, very tired and happy. During the next day the tribe came together to share the journeys of insight and vision that each of them had experienced. On their last night, before heading home, they came together in a magical ceremony of lights, laughter, tears and song.
Fear no longer dominated her life. Her path was clear. Her journey takes her ever forward into new experiences, new questions. Whenever she feels that old familiar prickle of fear, that brick deep in her belly, she remembers. She remember who she is and there is nothing to fear. She walks in Spirit!
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Spider Dreaming
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They are creepy, crawly and scary, but as a spirit animal or totem, Spider is magical, inspirational and a healer. She is the goddess who spins and weaves the threads of life, and cuts them too in her crone or destroyer aspect.
Spirit animals often make themselves known to us in dreamtime. As a child I often dreamed of spiders, and snakes too. My mother told me that dreaming of spiders or snakes meant death so I was often rather fearful after these dreams. One dream in particular had me worried for some time. In this dream I was alone in a small house and all around, totally covering the ground as far as I could see, were thousands of spiders and snakes. Nobody died (that I know) but within a year my family and I went throuh a major life change, and my life was very different.
Many years later I began to explore my spirituality. I attended an in-depth workshop where the subject of spirit animals came up. Some people knew their animals; owl, wolf, cat. I wondered which animal walked with me. Of course I wanted a wolf or a panther or something along those lines.
And then I started having spider dreams again; rather intense spider dreams. It took me many years to work out what Spider was trying to tell me.
The first of these dreams was quite scary. In it I entered a room, which was actually my old childhood bedroom (where I had many of my previous spider dreams). I had come to get something out of a drawer in my desk. I noticed a very large spider in the corner of the room. It was white, the shape of a daddy-long-legs, with a triangular head, and stood as high as my waist. In the dream this seemed quite normal. It was like acknowledging that there was a dog in the room; unusual, but nothing to worry about. But as I was searching through the drawer I noticed that the spider was watching me and starting to bounce up and down on its legs, as spider do. The spider was watching me intently and I started to get worried. I slowly crept toward the door, watching the spider the whole time. I got my hands on the door and was pulling it open when the spider pounced. I could feel the weight of spider on my hip and its legs as they clung to me. By now I was screaming for help, and woke up.
After this I had lots of spider dreams where I would wake up in fear as soon as they got near me. I wondered what message Spider could have for me. I tried to find a pattern. I did lots of reading about spiders, particularly old myths and legends.
Spiders are survivors, often being among the first life to return to a burnt, barren area of earth. They are independant, are good mothers guarding their egg sacks, and some species cart the babies on their back; and some species devour their men after mating. The webs are very strong and made up of sticky threads to catch prey, and non-sticky threads for the spider herself to walk on.
There are many cultures around the world where the spider is a positive, creative force. To Native Americans Spider Woman is the creator of the universe which she spun with her threads. To the Kiowa people Spider brought the sun and the gift of fire. African people of Ghana had Anansi, who travelled with them to the New World becoming the Voodoo Spider Woman known as Aunt Nancy.
In ancient Greek legend the goddess Athene turned a woman named Arachne into a spider after she claimed to be more skilled at spinning than the goddess. Here being a spider seems to be a punishment. But it seems to me that this is, like so many of the Greek stories, a later patriarchal version of a goddess legend which dis-honours the goddess, women and their skills. Originally the goddess Athene taught women to spin and to weave, making cloth and clothing for people to wear. Surely a woman who reached a high standard of skill would have been honoured by her teacher, not punished. In the original version I'm sure that the spinning and weaving abilities of Spider are respected and honoured. I wonder if Athene was originally also a Spider Woman.
In Medieval Europe women were still honouring the goddess by asking her to help them with their spinning and weaving. Christian authorities were not impressed and women were told that invoking the goddess before spinning would guarantee a one-way trip to hell.
I had learned a lot about spiders and my spider dreams continued, but as I always woke in fright I didn't learn much from them. So wise spider tried a different approach. Now in my dreams, I would be touching something and suddenly feel a sting in the centre of the palm of my left hand. I knew that I had touched a hidden spider and she had bitten me. And again I would wake in fright.
I began to look deeper for the message of spider. I realized that spider carried strong and powerful feminine energy.(No wonder patriarchal cultures condemned spider and be-littled her abilities.)I recognized the Triple Goddess -maiden, mother, crone - bringing independence and creativity, as well as death and destruction; which we all know is a necessary step before regrowth and rebirth.
Spider is the Triple Goddess who spins, measures and cuts the threads of life. She is the weaver of the Web of Fate, creating the patterns of our lives. She warns us of entanglements ahead, showing us which paths on the web are clear and unsticky, free of the web of illusions and open to opportunities in our lives.
The dreams continued; an unseen spider would bite my hand and I would wake up. But I began to understand the message that Spider was trying to send me. I began to meditate with Spider and slowly I understood deep within me the magic that is Spider. I realized that with every bite Spider had been injecting me with her magic; with Spider Magic.
And then came the final, most powerful dream. In this dream I was attending a workshop with my friend when once again I felt the now familiar bite on the palm of my hand. This time I was not afraid, but I knew that if I looked at my hand and saw Spider I would wake up. So I pulled my sleeve over my hand, enclosing the spider. I found my friend and, holding out my arm, said "look at this", and slowly pulled back the sleeve. There was a large red, black and gold spider sitting on my hand. I opened the leather medicine bag I was wearing and carefully placed Spider in it.
I recognized the significance of this dream; that I was at a spiritual workshop, a learning and healing experience. I was finally able to accept Spider as a spiritual helper, a teacher, a healer, my totem. I began to work with Spider. She spins the threads, creates the web that is my life, and occasionaly cuts it too, weaving a new pattern; as she did in my childhood when my life took a totally different path. She has done this a number of times since then.
A short time after this dream I began a ten day vision quest in a very remote area of Australia. This vision quest remains one of the most powerful and significant experiences on my spiritual journey and it was Spider and her magic that prepared me. I was able to take Spider with me in my medicine bag where she continued to remind me that I am a woman of courage and strength and patience. And I needed lots of reminding.
Spider spins the web of the Universe and with my spider energy I can feel the vibrations on the threads. As a healer I use the spinning spider energy to create healing pathways for others. As a speaker and a writer I use the weaving energy of Spider to weave together the words that heal and inspire. As a priestess of the Goddess I spin the web that creates the circle. In ritual I weave the bridge that connects this world with the Otherworld.
Spiders may be creepy and crawly. They don't have fur or feathers and aren't as cute as the cats or the wolves (and I certainly don't ever recommend that anyone actually handles a real life spider), but as a spirit animal they are powerful and magical. If Spider is trying to contact you don't be afraid. Meditate and listen for the vibrations on the web of the universe. Spin and weave together the magical threads of healing, inspiration and creative energy that She brings.
Research
Walker, Barbara. Women's Ritual:Harper Collins:1990
Walker, Barbara. The Woman's Encyclopaedia of Myths and Secrets:Harper and Row:1983
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Breath - The Most Natural Therapy
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Breathing keeps us alive. So does food and water, but we can survive without food for a few months before we die, a few days without water, but only a few minutes without breath. Breath pulls in oxygen and other gases that our bodies need to live. The process of breathing also releases carbon dioxide and other toxins from our bodies. So breathing is the most important thing that we can do for ourselves.
So why do so many of us do it so badly? Generally most people only use the top third of their lungs. It is like we don't allow ourselves the luxury of deep breaths. For some people the only time they breathe deeply is to inhale while smoking a cigarette.
Times when we feel stressed, upset or angry we are usually holding the breath or taking short, shallow breaths. This is not healthy as it actually helps to internalize the anger or emotion we are feeling. Over a period of time this builds up, becomes toxic and causes problems. Eventually this negativity will be released, often explosively or in some other form of self destructive manner.
At these times breathing out is really important. It is the out breath that helps us to release the stress or anger. A deep breath in and then out reaches deep into ourselves, releasing not only carbon dioxide and toxins, but also the toxic emotions that we have stored in our bodies. Remembering to breath during stressful times helps to keep us relaxed and in control of ourselves and the situation.
There is more to breathing than just staying alive. Breathing in not only provides us with life-giving oxygen, but also gives us life-force. (Other cultures call this prana or chi.) Just as oxygen keeps us alive physically, life-force keeps our energy alive and we feel energized, motivated, balanced and happy.
When life-force is in short supply, as with continuous shallow breathing, we become depressed, unmotivated and eventually ill. If the flow of life-force is stopped totally, it can lead to mental illness and even eventually death.
So, it is a good practice to take a few deep breaths during the day whenever we think of it. Breathing from the diaphragm is best, so it is the tummy that moves in and out while we breathe, not the shoulders up and down. Using a visualization to release emotional toxins from our bodies is also a powerful healing tool. For example, imagine your breath is a big soup scoop that picks up all the old, negative 'stuff' and you can then just breathe it away.
Breathing with awareness, particularly at times of stress and upset in our lives, helps to prevent negative and toxic emotions from building up in our bodies, and keeps the life-force flowing strongly. It not only keeps us alive, but happy to be here.
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Meditation
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A teacher called White Eagle said that meditating is the best thing you could do for yourself. Scientists (who need to test everything and find out 'why') agree that meditation is good for our health.
There are many reasons why people meditate; for relaxation and stress release, for personal growth and spiritual awareness, for pain relief and assisting the body to heal. Through meditation we can learn to relax physically and mentally, reducing high blood pressure and stress levels, increasing our immunity levels and generally increasing our quality of life.
Meditation is an altered state of consciousness. That's all it is. There is no mysterious, magical formula. Meditation is focussing the mind on something and maintaining that focus for a period of time; whether sitting in formal meditation or communing with nature. Yes, even watching the birds and flowers in your garden is meditating. In fact walking and being in nature, focussing on the colours and breathing the fragrances, can be a most uplifting, inspirational way of meditating.
Rythmic movement such as dancing, or even running, is also a type of meditation. When one is too tense to sit quietly and relax, focussing on the music and letting the body move to the flow of sound can release that tension. Many cultures have regularly used dance to achieve an altered state of consciousness.
A formal meditation is to sit quietly and focus on something like the breath, a flower or a crystal, an affirmation or mantra, or anything you choose. With practice this can become a time of communicating with the inner self which can solve problems and enhance healing. It also becomes a time when one can communicate with the inner spritual self and with the angels or spirit guides that walk this lifetime with us.
Many people experience a problem with mind chatter when they first begin to meditate. And no wonder, as our minds are constantly being bombarded with sound; radio, TV, ipods directly into the brain, traffic noise and so on. Silence feels uncomfortable to many people so its no wonder that our minds need to fill silences with chatter. This can be overcome by using visualization techniques, giving the mind something to focus on. And when you do find that the brain has wandered off on its own little journey during your meditation, just gently bring it back into focus.
Like anything else, meditation requires patience, perseverence and practice. After all, one wouldn't expect to become a concert pianist in one easy sitting. So, to achieve results be patient and don't give up.
Meditation creates within us a feeling of peace and well-being, bringing harmony into our busy lives.
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Transitions
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New Year. A transition from one year to the next. The changing of the year often encourages us to look at our lives and make resolutions to change.
And yet our lives are filled with transitions - major and minor ones - every day. We can use these transitions to evaluate our lives and ourselves, and change whatever is not working.
Birth (and birthdays), marriage and death are major transitions still celebrated with certain rituals as our lives are often changed by these events. Birthdays that continuously take us into our next year of life can either make us feel happy about it or anxious at the passing of time. A wedding creates a new view of life that is now shared with another. And death is the ultimate change. But there are other important transitions no longer celebrated.
For women, the onset of menstruation when a girl becomes a woman is a life-changing event, as is the onset of menopause when a woman becomes a wise woman, holding her wise blood inside of herself. In my work as a transpersonal therapist I have heard many stories of women who experienced these transitions with fear and shame, and how this affected their self-esteem and their woman-hood.
Other transitions include things like starting or leaving school. Nowadays the Schoolies Week is a tradition that celebrates more than just the end of school; it has become a ritual that celebrates the beginning of adulthood. Starting or leaving a job, moving house, the start or end of a relationship are all important transition times.
Even the bad times like the end of a relationship or losing a job need to be acknowledged. For anything that is lost to us we need time to grieve and adjust to the change this has brought into our life. Then we can celebrate life, and get on with living it. Resistance to change and remaining focussing on the past results in physical and emotional pain.
Using ritual to celebrate a transition can make it more meaningful and positive; often taking the experience into a deeper, inner level of awareness and understanding. A ritual can be a simple ceremony that one does for oneself like lighting a candle and saying a few words, or it can be something more elaborate that involves more people and more planning.
Each day is filled with transitions, even if they are only little ones. Waking up is a transition from the world of dreams into the waking world. Like the new year, each day is new and filled with opportunities that enrich our lives. Choose to make them positive and happy transitions.
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